When You’re Not Feeling Like Your ResilientAF Self

I’m sitting in my office and I can feel it coming. I know the feeling well now. Rapid heartbeat. Heavy labored breathing. Knots in my tummy. I used to be able to count the number of anxiety attacks a year. Now I’m counting per week. 

I’m not feeling as Resilient AF lately. I’m feeling worn out and exhausted. I have guilt that I feel like this considering so many people are having a really hard time with unemployment and losing family and friends due to COV19. I have a job, a beautiful apartment, plenty of food. I’m not wanting for nothing. The young mother on 60 Minutes has a toddler to feed. The guilt made me even more sad. 
This is an unprecedented time. In some ways we’re actively living out pictures in our history books. I’ve had days where it feels like ‘the old days’ and I’m laughing with my friends and other days when I’m afraid to watch the news. It’s frightening.   

I’m happy that not only do I encourage people to manage their mental health, I work to manage mine as well so when my friend suggested calling a doctor, I didn’t hesitate. I knew the sadness wasn’t letting up but didn’t notice it had been weeks. Thankfully, my doctor worked with me to find a solution that is working well. 

You are not alone. And it’s important to remember because, as our routines are turned upside down, we forget this is a global issue. Stay mindful. Listen to your spirit. Take more time for yourself than normal. If you’re a workaholic like me, this is no easy task. I absolutely hate idol time but I find myself on the couch looking out the window and I give myself permission to just be. 

Whatever that looks like for you, give yourself permission to feel less resilient AF, to take in the moments that move you and continue to live with intention.

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